Rape of a different kind


In the #MeToo era, I can understand you may be afraid to even look sideways at a woman because of the fear of being called a rapist, but let’s be honest, if you’re raping or sexually abusing a person, you know about it perfectly well at the time. Why? Well, the other person may be crying or acting in another way that is different to showing pleasurable enjoyment. Also, you will be feeling, guiltily or happily, as though you have somehow tricked your partner into submission. In this blog, I want to discuss another type of this deplorable act. And that is what may be otherwise known as sperm assault – or sneakily removing your condom during sex without your partner realising. It’s also addressed in my brand new booklet “Fishing for Kippers”- a guide that offers rules around Sex Etiquette in Brothels(and tips for real life).

Why would men do such a thing? Well, there’s no doubt that many men find sex without a condom more enjoyable, and I’m not here to deny them that opinion. However, the reality of sex without a condom is pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Sex without a condom is possible if both partners take active measures against these factors, like alternate birth control and STI checks at the doctor. That’ a conversation between both partners, prior to having sex. One partner cannot suddenly decide during sex that he would prefer to go without a condom and then do so without the knowledge of the other. In my mind, that’s rape or sexual assault because consent is not given.

It shocks me greatly that there are even resources available online offering tips on how to accomplish this disgusting feat, like sheepishly saying afterward “Oh, it must have slipped off” or even “What’s wrong? I thought you knew it was off?” Of course, by then it’s too late – the crime has been committed. Isn’t it appalling that we now need to also constantly check that the condom is firmly on during the entire act, not just at the beginning? Guys, this is not just a fun game that you can tell your friends about later. It’s just another way men exert their masculine power, and it turns a consensual act into a non-consensual one. That is sexual abuse. That is counted under the #MeToo movement. It’s just not worth it. If you’re really against condoms, then don’t pretend its not a problem to wear one before sex. Talk about it with your partner and find a solution together. Don’t risk the deceit. Don’t risk being called a rapist.

Always bear in mind that prior to having sex, your partner is making her/himself vulnerable to you through the very act of consent. By you sneakily committing such an act, you are breaking their trust as well as the law. Even if the law doesn’t catch up with you, it will be hard to get the trust of your partner back. And then of course, you may have the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy and STIs to deal with too.